This brings us to January 31st, 2011. It was time to go out on yet another job search, and I was so discouraged. I prayed and cried, completely overwhelmed with everything, and as I prayed, I sensed God saying, "Ask Me again." "But Lord, I have asked, and nothing has happened." "Ask Me again." So I asked, and once again I had to make the choice to trust even though I couldn't see, to let go and really believe that He is in control. That night I had to go somewhere, and when I came home my mom told me that a friend from church had called from out of the blue to ask if I wanted a job! Did I want a job? Oh goodness! I began work the very next day, and literally as I pulled into the driveway after work that evening, I received a call saying I had been accepted to Ellerslie. (More on Ellerslie another time.) That was 7 months ago now, and I am still amazed by God's perfect timing!
And so began a season of full time work, bringing it's own challenges and joys. I needed a good deal of money to pay for the tuition at Ellerslie, but God had provided my job, and I knew that, if He wanted me there, He would provide. Then came a period of several months with almost no work, due to the economy. In all of this I began to see that my trust had been in God's provision through my job, rather than in God alone. Through everything that happened He was gently teaching to let go of anything I trusted in other than Him. With each new trial came a new chance to rest in Him. I could never earn the money I needed in time. Even when I started working almost full time again, it was seemingly impossible. I grew up hearing "God can provide" and saying "I trust God", but now, for really the first time in my life, I had to live it. I had to trust Him with absolutely everything, and there was no plan B. Friends asked, "What if God doesn't provide" and I asked myself the same question. Again and again I came back to the same conclusion: I know that God has called me to Ellerslie, and I know that He would never call me to something for which He would not provide. I faced doubt, but He enabled me to surrender it to Him. Although it was difficult, I can say with absolute conviction that I wouldn't trade it for anything, because in all of it He was right there with me, stretching, growing, and holding me. I have seen for myself that His promises are true.
I'm writing this after the fact. God has provided, in a just-at-the-right-moment, it-could-only-have-been Him sort of way. I may share the story later, but it is enough to say that God is able to provide, He does keep His promises, and I have seen it myself!
I wish I could say that I would never struggle with doubt again, but I have. The big hurdle is behind me, but dozens more lie ahead. I am so thankful for God's infinite patience with me. He faithfully reminds me that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. To doubt Him is not only folly, but sin. I look back over my life and see His trustworthiness shown through every step. Daily, by His grace, I will trust Him with all that I am, for He is good.
In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishesthough it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 1:6-7