Changing Seasons

Today was, unless God does something I don't anticipate, my last official day of CYT/STP after 9 years there. 9 years of ministry, of growth... of family. It wasn't until I left the building and the door shut behind me that reality started to sink in, and I cried.

God has really grown me in my ability to handle change (just ask my mother!) but on days like this it can still hurt. New chapters mean saying goodbye to old ones, and the fact that I'm excited for what's ahead (marriage- WOOT!!) doesn't mean that it's easy to let go of what came before. I believe that the human heart longs for permanence, and that God gave us that desire so that we might seek it's fulfillment in Him. He is the only constant in this constantly changing world, and if we are His, then one day we will be with Him forever. No more changing seasons or goodbyes. Until then, the stability that is ours in Him keeps us anchored as we walk through this life.

Through all of this, God has been reminding me of just how temporary I am. These 9 years at CYT amount to a major chunk of my life thus far, but even if I were to pour into something for a lifetime, after a few years people probably wouldn't remember me. But if, but the grace of God, people are somehow pointed to know and pursue Jesus as a result of my life, then my life will have been worthwhile, even if no one remembers my name. 

New Country, Old Friends

6 years ago I was in CYT's production of "Scrooge." I was one of the Cratchit children, and a wonderful lady named Mrs. Nikki played my mom. I've enjoyed getting to know her over the years, and have prayed for her family as they adopted several children from the Philippines. That dear family moved to the Philippines less than a month before I got here! Right now, among other things, they have a learning program for special needs orphans, and their long-term hope is to begin a special needs orphanage. (If you'd like to read more about their ministry, scroll to the bottom of this post on their blog, or check out www.bartimaeusproject.org). This past week, CYT performed Scrooge for the first time since I was in it, and I'll be honest, when I found out they were going to be doing that, it launched one of my more painful periods of homesickness. God is so good to me though! This past Thursday, while the cast back home was in the midst of their final dress rehearsal, I was in the Philippines arriving at Mrs. Nikki's house, getting a giant hug, and enjoying talking about people and places we both knew. That night we even watched the old Scrooge DVD! Being with that family on this side of the world was so surreal, and I'm in awe of God's perfect timing. Whoever would have imagined 6 years ago that we'd all be here together?

I spent a week with them, and it was so much fun. I got to see areas of ministry quite different than what I've seen so far, and even participate a little. I got to spend time with some wonderful kids during their Saturday program. I had my first up-close encounter with some beggar girls, which deeply impacted me. And I saw other areas of Luzon, striking both in poverty and beauty, as we drove to visit their older son for an afternoon. It was both horizon-broadening and refreshing, and I'm deeply thankful for the blessing of time spent with old friends, even so far from home! 

The Cratchit family of 2007

6 years later, watching the Scrooge DVD with my on-stage mom and reliving old memories... and during the opening night of Scrooge 2013, no less! 

Reading to one of the Bartimaeus Project kids on Saturday

Bartimaeus kids again- such sweet girls! 

Philippine Reindeer 

Helping decorate the tree was good medicine for this girl who loves Christmas and is missing her family!

Squatter houses

More squatter houses, with Manila in the background

I've been in the Philippines for over 4 months now, and this was the first time I got around to taking a picture of a jeepney! 

Visiting their oldest son at the shelter for former street kids where he works

Never Once

There is no way I could ever summarize what God has done in my life through Christian Youth Theatre. I have been a part for 7 years- one third of my life. When I first started I was painfully shy, and God worked through CYT to bring me out of my shell. It was largely through CYT that God began to really take me deeper in my relationship with Him, and to teach me the power and beauty of prayer. He has given me the greatest friends I've ever had there, and it has been to me a second family where I am consistently challenged and encouraged in my walk with Him.

This past Saturday I worked backstage for what was possibly my very last play, and certainly my last for a long time. I was upstairs worshipping with the cast, wishing that time didn't fly by quite so fast, when they began singing "Never Once" by Matt Redman- a song I had never heard before. As I listened to these lyrics, I began to cry:

"Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful"

As memories flooded my heart, those words expressed what I was feeling better than I ever could have. It's true. Through every battle, every painful time of stretching, each time I was overwhelmed by the size of the task to which He had called me, every tear I ever cried, never once did I ever walk alone. He was always right there with me, guiding, upholding, shaping, and enabling. And all of the growth, every victory, is nothing more than a testament to His work on my behalf. Never once has He been anything but faithful. 

As this sweet season draws to a close, it's hard to say goodbye. But it's bittersweet, because I know that Jesus is the One leading me forward, and He is the One who gave CYT it's sweetness in the first place. All of the things that matter most- the lessons He has taught me and the friendships He has built- won't disappear just because I'm not there anymore. And it's that history of past faithfulness that gives me confidence in moving forward to the next adventure... which will be the topic of my next post! 

Esther: Chosen for Such a Time As This

This summer I had the joy of being a part of CYT's production of Esther: Chosen for Such a Time As This. God's work is always evident in CYT, but during summer plays even more so, because there is so much to do in such a short amount of time. This play is one of my favorites. During Esther's song "If I Perish, she sings, "I don't know what's before me, but I know Who stands behind me, so I'll walk with growing courage in my heart." That line has become the theme of my life. Backstage we always pray for the audience; that God would prepare their hearts and enable them to receive the message. We also pray the same thing for ourselves! I am so blessed to have so many friends who genuinely love God and seek to please Him, and it was an honor to watch how God worked in the hearts of so many of those I love during these two months.

We had many sweet times of prayer and worship throughout, but Saturday just before the final performance surpassed anything I'd seen in CYT. My friend played the song "Everything" by Lifehouse on his guitar, and soon we were all on our faces before God, praying and repenting. God moved. Friends I had never seen even seen cry were sobbing. We saw our brokenness and were in awe of God's faithfulness, mercy, and love. It was painful, but also an intensely beautiful thing to be a part of. We were barely able to pull it together to start the show.

So what now? What happens now that the show is over, the sets are down, the costumes are being washed and put away, and we're all going back to everyday life? Will we forget and move on? I am resting in Philippians 1:6- "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." What took place was His work, and He promises to finish that which He began! I pray that we will learn to walk with the same level of dependence and prayer which has hallmarked the past two weeks. Our God is mighty, worthy, and so very good! 

Here are a few pictures.

Zach and I got to dance together, and it was so much fun!

My lovely friend Bekah played Esther, and did such a beautiful job! We had lovely times and a good deal of laughter while carpooling, and it was a joy to watch all that God did in her heart.

Meg, Jenna, and Grace were my "children" for one scene. We had a wonderful time working on character development and creating a family dynamic!

Audrey and Megan's friendship is a gift such a gift from God! Their prayers and encouragement mean more than I can say.

Grace, Tori, Stephanie, and me waiting for color. :)

Mom and Dad!

Me and Zach with Patrick, who we have pretty much adopted.

Hannah Rose, my dear Ellerslie friend, who has been a part through prayer from the very start!