The End of the Story

     Right now I'm in the middle of reading The Remnant trilogy (which I highly recommend). I love good stories, and this is definitely a good story- the kind where I'm anxious to keep reading to find out what's going to happen, but at the same time I don't want to read to fast because I know I'll be sad when it's over.

     I've also been reading through Daniel during my daily Bible study. For me, it's a familiar book, but this time through I've been noticing different themes than I have in the past. Through the stories of Daniel and his friends, Nebuchadnezzar's dreams, and Daniel's visions, there is a repeated emphasis on human kingdoms vs. God's kingdom. Mighty rulers and nations come and go. They may exercise great power for a time, but their rule is temporary, and God is sovereign over their rise and fall. By contrast, "[God's] dominion is an everlasting dominion, which shall not pass away, and his kingdom one that shall not be destroyed." (Daniel 7:14b)

     I once knew someone who used to start any book by reading the last chapter first. That's definitely not my preference; I like stories that keep me guessing, but to each their own! I suppose reading that way does have its advantages though. No matter what difficulties the characters may find themselves in (assuming the book ends happily), you can relax. You may not know HOW he'll get the girl... how they'll find their way home... how the bad guy will be defeated... but you know everything will be alright in the end.

     While that may not be my preferred method of book reading, I'm struck by the reality that that's what life is like for us as believers.  Every day the news is full of more crazy headlines. What's going to happen? We just don't know. Our lives are full of global, national, and personal uncertainties that are often the cause of anxiety or fear. But in the midst of all that seems uncertain, God is sovereign. Nothing is outside His control, and we look forward with confidence to the day when His kingdom will be established, and we will be with Him forever. We may not know the middle of the story, but we can face unknowns with courage and hope because we already know the ending!

Introducing....

This blog has had a serious omission for quite some time now. A very important development in my life (and by important, I mean life-altering) has gone only vaguely hinted at for the last two years. I've had my reasons for not writing about it here, and though those reasons disappeared awhile ago, by that point I wasn't sure where to begin! But since it's Valentine's Day, now seems as good a time as any, so here goes...

Just over two years ago, as we sat talking on a bench outside Starbucks, a handsome and godly young man named Zack, whom I deeply admired, asked me to begin a relationship.

And on September 4th, 2014, that man asked me to be his wife.

I rather doubt that's news to anyone reading this, but sometimes I still look down at the ring on my finger and catch my breath in wonder, because I can't believe this is all real. For years I prayed for the man I would marry, and all the while God was shaping Zack to be that man. Our love story has been sweeter than anything than I ever could have imagined for myself, made beautiful by the Author of beauty.

Through the month leading up to our dating, one thing I prayed over and over was that God would not only bring about His plan, but that He would do it in His way, in His timing. This has remained my prayer through the course of our relationship, and it's one God has been faithful to answer. If I'd had my way and my timing, things probably would have looked a lot different! As it is, our relationship has included several very long periods of separation, and our engagement will last for well over a year.

Would I marry Zack tomorrow if I could? In a heartbeat! I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with this man! But if it came at the cost of the lessons that God is teaching us through the difficulty and waiting? Not a chance. God gives His best to those who trust and surrender to Him, but sometimes (often!) that best involves pain. As much as I ache to be married now, I recognize how desperately I need God's grace to be the wife Zack needs, and if the lessons learned in this season of waiting are His means of preparing us for marriage and drawing us closer to Him, then so be it.

Zack and I have seen the faithfulness and goodness of our Lord throughout the course of our relationship in so many ways, and perhaps in the future I will share some of what He has taught me along the way. For now though, I thank God for what He has given Zack and me, and pray that He uses it for His glory.

Before our first real date

When the Way Doesn't Make Sense

   Hey there! So... it's been a long time since I've posted. Months, in fact. Oops! Much has happened since I returned home, beginning with a beautiful welcome home at the airport and including the wedding of one of my best friends, two plays, a 3 1/2 month long job search, visits from family in Texas and a friend in Australia... it's been busy, full, and on the whole, wonderful! Adjusting to being back home was much easier than I anticipated, which I know was an answer to a great deal of prayer. Quite a few people have asked me if I plan on going somewhere else in the near future. The answer is.... I'm not sure! I will definitely be at home this year, and beyond that I haven't the slightest idea. I think there's a very good chance that I will end up somewhere else at some point, but I don't know how that will look, and I'm just trusting God to lead one step at a time.

   This summer I have been studying attributes of God, focusing on one in particular each week, and it's been great to take the time to dwell on all that He is. I finished up this week by studying His guidance. One point in particular stood out, and so I thought I would share!

~~~

When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them by way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near. For God said, “Lest the people change their minds when they see war and return to Egypt.” But God led the people around by the way of the wilderness toward the Red Sea. And the people of Israel went up out of the land of Egypt equipped for battle. (Exodus 13:17-18)

   From a human perspective, the way God was leading didn't make sense. There was a much more direct path than the one on which He led them. But He saw what they didn't- the quick way would lead them right to the Philistines, an enemy they were not ready to face. They were equipped for battle, but they weren't yet prepared for battle. They had much to learn, not only about fighting, but about trusting the One they followed. What must have seemed a foolish waste of time from their perspective was actually His protection. 

   It's not that He led them on an easy path, after all, they're headed straight for the Red Sea! There they would soon be trapped, and accuse God and Moses of leading them to their deaths. But God had a plan all along. He led them straight into a hopeless situation, that they might see Him move mightily on their behalf. His goal wasn't merely to get His people from point A to point B, but to teach them to trust Him in the process. 

   I pray for grace to trust Him always, even when I can't see why He is leading me somewhere. 

Worry

  Today I read Luke 12:22-31. It's a very familiar passage. Jesus says to His disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on.” (v 22b) He goes on to describe the Father's care for the flowers and birds. If God provides for them, won't He surely care for us, His own children? “And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to the span of his life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek His kingdom, and these things will be added to you.” (25-26, 29-31)

When I was younger I used to worry about finances a great deal. That was foolish, of course. I should have trusted my parents. What about now though? Now I'm living in the “grown-up world.” Isn't worrying being responsible, because there are very real practical issues that need my attention? Umm... no. That's not to say that we should be haphazard or foolish in planning or decision making, but there is a world of difference between being responsible and being anxious. Jesus commands us not to worry, and not just about things that are out of our control, like getting sick or loosing a loved one. In this passage, Jesus is addressing areas where our actions do have an effect, like having food and clothing.

Worry means anxiously focusing on something- dwelling on it and being weighed down by the burden of it. But what is the purpose? Our worry can't change anything, and will have no practical effect outside of making us miserable and joyless. 

One thing that was particularly convicting for me today was the rebuke in the middle of this passage: “O you of little faith.” (v 28b) I struggle with worry. But worry isn't simply a bothersome personality trait. It is sin. It is an active declaration that I believe God is not trustworthy. It's saying, in effect, “Yes God, I know that You have said that You are in control, but I need to hold on and make sure that things are ok, because I don't believe that You will handle things as they should be handled.” Ouch. If I truly believe that God holds all things in His hands, that He will do what He has promised, and that He is working for my good even in hard things, then steadfast confidence and peace should define my life. 

That was a highly convicting reminder that I very much needed! He is trustworthy, and I want to live like I believe it.

2013

It's been quite the year.

In the wee hours of the morning on January 1st, my dear friend Emily and I stood outside watching friends setting off fireworks and having a conversation which we have since looked back on with great amusement. We reflected on God's faithfulness through the past year, and one of us said something along the lines of, "I wonder what all God will do and where He'll lead us over the next year?" For me, the answer came much faster and more dramatically than I ever could have anticipated, because it was that very night that I read of the Talbots and their need for a homeschool teacher. I wrote about this already, but though the idea launched a fair amount of emotional turmoil as I considered the possibility of being so far from home for so long, though it was some time before I could think much about it without fighting tears, and though I prayed and prayed for God's leading, deep within I knew in the moment that I already knew the answer to the questions that I was asking: "Go."

One year, and so much has happened since then. All of the tears and anticipation and prayer and preparation leading up to going, and now I've been here for five months. God has led me somewhere I never would have chosen, and given me peace in it. New relationships have grown and old ones have deepened, even from far away. I can see him working in the joy and the pain, teaching me to obey and follow Him, and changing my heart and preparing me for whatever He happens to have next.

There's more to this year even than what I've written here, but I'll save the rest for another time. To say a lot has changed is just a bit of an understatement. It might be more accurate to say that God took my life, turned it upside-down and shook it a little. Some of it has been painful, some has been wonderful, and I'm deeply thankful for it all, because it drawn me closer to Him!

I sit here in the Philippines and wonder, as Emily and I did a year ago, what 2014 holds. It's hard to imagine that it could be more dramatic and full of surprises than 2013 has been, but hey, following Christ is always an adventure! I don't dare say that I'm ready for anything now- bring it on! but I guess I'm at least a little more ready to expect the unexpected! And I do indeed trust the One who is in control of it all. 

From My Heart

There is so much I don't know. Life is so big, and I am so small. I look at circumstances and wonder how things can possibly work out. But you know what? I serve a big God. My Lord “upholds the universe by the word of His power.” (Hebrews 1:3)

He is bigger than everything I face.

He is bigger than all of the details which somehow have to come together just right.

He is bigger than my sinful heart, and my propensity to fail.

He is bigger than the storms.

He is bigger than the hurt.

The unknowns are big, but He is bigger.

The challenges are big, but He is bigger.

My questions are big but He is bigger.

The enemy is big, but He is bigger.

And this is the One who loves me. Who died for me. Who lives in me.

He calls me to follow, and He makes a way. Nothing is impossible for Him. How can I ever doubt, for when has He ever been anything but faithful to me? How can I not worship when I see what He has given me, in this world, but most of all in Himself? How can I not trust Him when I look back over my life and see His faithfulness again and again and again? He is God and I am not. It's only when I realize that, when I let go of control, when I am willing to not know how everything will play out, that I know I am safe.

Dear Lord, may I never want anything more than Your will, and may I never live for anything less.  

More Than I Can Handle

We've been in the village for a week and a half. It's definitely another world! When I look out the two screened windows in my room, I can see banana and coconut trees, pigs, chickens, roosters, a monkey tied up, water buffalo (feel free to sing the song- I certainly have!) laundry hanging, and small houses with grass or tin roofs. I sleep under a mosquito net, the roosters start crowing about 4 am or so, and keep going all day. The last week has been spent (in addition to playing games and so forth with the kids) cleaning and organizing the school room and planning for the school year.

So what has God been teaching me, you ask? (Ok, you might not be asking, but I'll tell you anyway.) Well, I'm on the other side of the world from home, I've spent a week and a half in a rural village in a foreign country with no internet (which means no contact with anyone back home), facing drawers with hiding cockroaches, a mountain of school books, and teachers manuals, and a year of teaching four children when I've never taught one subject before... yeah. There's been a whole lot of learning going on over here! Here's one thing though.

People often say that God won't give us more than we can handle. It sounds very nice and comforting, but the reality is that it's simply not true. He does give us more than we can handle because He wants us to depend on Him instead of looking within for the strength to handle it. The fact that He loves us doesn't mean that He will keep us from challenge, pain or difficulty. Rather, because He loves us, He wants us to learn to trust when we can't see, to find peace and joy in Himself, and to find that He really does give strength for the weary; that His grace really, truly is sufficient. He does give us more than we can handle, but He will never give us anything that He is not able to live through us to overcome.

I'll be honest, lately I've had way more than I can handle. There have been plenty of moments when I was stressed, overwhelmed, or lonely, and didn't know how I could keep going. In moments where I would normally go to my mom or a friend for prayer and perspective, I have been in a position where all I could do was cry out to God and trust that He is all He says He is. Again and again, I have cried out for wisdom, clarity, strength, peace, for Him to live through me and make me more like Him... It's been hard. It's been painful. But never once have I been forsaken or alone. In the times when I felt I couldn't hold on, He has been holding on to me. I've been learning, along with so many other things, faith. Trust. Hope in the One who can never fail. I'm learning that He really is enough, and no matter the cost, it's worth it.

I don't mean to sound like I've been falling apart the whole time- I certainly haven't! There have been wonderful times of laughter, fun, learning to fit into a new family, and experiencing many new things. Here are some pictures!

About to get on the helicopter

In the helicopter on the way to the village- it was amazing!

This was waiting for me in my room. Welcome to the tribe, Lindy!

Charlotte, my brave, loyal assistant in organizing/cleaning, and Ernie the cockroach. Ernie is no longer with us. Thanks Charlotte!

The school room- very definitely a work in progress.

Cockroach poop. The cockroaches in this drawer had been killed by the time I took this picture. So fun! haha

Somebody in the village found this bird and gave it to Kyle. Mom, I'm posting this for you.

A corner of the Talbot's house

Next Door

"Everybody's got a water buffalo..."

Kyle took me and Sophia on a village tour. This is the waterfall which, I believe, normally has much more water.

Learning to knit!

The school room, looking much better, but still a work in progress

School books!

Kyle working on his fort

One of the little girls in the village

Dear Somebody

Dear Somebody,

I know that when you look at me getting ready to go to the Philippines, it makes you secretly uncomfortable, and wakes hidden fear. Though you may or may not say it, or even realize it, you are afraid that God will call you to do something similar, and that if you give control of your life to Him, you will end up on the other side of the world away from everything comfortable and familiar. How do I know? Because for so long, that was me. I would read the stories of Amy Carmichael, Jackie Pullinger, or Katie Davis, (not that I would ever put my little trip on that level, mind you!!) and while I would admire their willingness to follow Christ wherever He led, I would inwardly tremble, lest He should call me to a similar path. It's not that I didn't want to live my life to serve Him, it's just that I was afraid He would call me to THAT. I didn't know what THAT might be exactly, but I knew THAT would be painful, hard, and require great sacrifice. The call to go to the Philippines came at the end of a battle to surrender and be willing to go- a battle which had filled the previous several months. I wish I could say that I responded to His voice with instant obedience, but I didn't. He was faithful to bring me to a place of willingness, but it was a fight to get there. My fleshly desire is to stay here where things are familiar and comfortable, and the idea of saying goodbye to those I love dearly for so long is painful. But you know what I realized? As I clung to things and people dear to me, in reality I was holding my own chains. My fear of surrender wasn't keeping me safe, it was keeping me enslaved.  Freedom and peace came only when I finally let go.

Surrender to His call doesn't automatically mean that you will end up on the other side of the world. It does mean that your wants and desires are in submission to His will and His purpose, which means sacrifice. How can someone do that? I am seeing more and more that it is absolutely impossible apart from knowing Him. For goodness sake, you wouldn't leave your purse or wallet in the care of someone you didn't know. How can you give over control of everything to Someone you don't know? Trusting comes only through knowing, which comes only through spending time with someone. As we grow to know Him, the following two things will transform our perspective on surrender.

The first is that God is good. Whether His call takes you somewhere far away, or only down the street, He loves you, and He goes with you. He isn't harsh or unfeeling. His call is not only for His glory, but for our good. Life is hard; you can't escape that. It's part of living in a fallen world. But though the path is not an easy one, He is with us every step of the way- leading, guiding, upholding. (John 16:33) In trusting Him, you are entrusting yourself to the One who knows you intimately, yet loved you enough to die for you. He isn't forcing us to be without something we need; He wants us to be free to find life in Himself- the only One who could ever satisfy.

The second is that God is Lord, our King, and we are His. He is worthy of our worship and obedience. Even if He weren't good, and hadn't given His own life for us, He would be fully worthy of our all. How much more when He has! God is exalted on the throne of heaven. His greatness is infinitely beyond our ability to grasp. He created us for Himself, for His purposes. We are not our own, we are bought with the blood of Christ. When we truly understand the incomprehensible majesty and authority of the One we serve, we can't possibly make another choice. In Isaiah 6, when Isaiah sees God in all His glory, his response was "Here I am! Send me." (v 8) That should be our response as well.

Goodness knows I haven't (and don't) live this perfectly, but speaking as one who walked in fear for so long, freedom comes only from letting go and clinging to Him only. Jim Elliot once said, "God always gives His best to those who leave the choice to Him." There are specific areas in my life where I have so clearly seen this to be true. In other areas I may not yet see how things are His best, but I trust that they are, because I trust Him. Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." That means that the more I delight in Him, the more what I desire lines up with what He wants for me. He knows me better than I know myself, and His plan is infinitely better than mine. Surrender seems scary, but when you fix your eyes on Him rather than the cost, it becomes beautiful instead.

I wrote this letter to Somebody, and I don't know who that Somebody is, but if it's you, know that I'm praying for you!

Love,
Lindy

Poem- "Worry"

Worry is a definite weakness of mine. It is so easy for me to dwell on what may happen and grow anxious, instead of trusting in the loving control of my King.  Corrie Ten Boom said, “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” That is so true! If I'm imagining everything that may happen, or being stressed over circumstances, I'm trying to take my life into my own hands. That never goes well, because I can't change anything- I can only make myself miserable! More than that, it is sinful. When faced with worry, I have to choose to remember who is truly in control, and trust His perfect plan.

"Worry"

Worry is an enemy

That seeks my joy to steal.

It tries to take my eyes off Christ,

And on to what I feel.

If I cling to worry,

All peace is quickly gone.

An anxious heart will soon drown out

All loving, trusting song. 

Have I forgotten Who's in charge

And orchestrates all things?

Do I think that He who died for me

Won't care what my life brings?

A trial or chance of sorrow 

Presents me with a choice.

Will I dwell on what might happen,

Or listen to His voice?

Instead of anxious wond'ring

About what the future holds,

May I ever trust my God,

As He His plan unfolds.

"For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord."
Psalm 112:6-7

Poem- "In Waiting"

God gave me this poem earlier this year in the midst of circumstances which pressed me to a level of surrender deeper than I had ever experienced before. In light of what several friends are going through, now seemed the time to post it. 

"In Waiting"

"Hope deferred makes sick the heart."

Perhaps the proverb's true,

But though hard pressed, I'll not be crushed

If my hope lies in You.

To wait still more seems much too cruel;

A burden I can't face,

But should this cup be mine to drink,

I know You'll give me grace.

The beauty of this dream can't be 

The prize to which I cling,

For only when You are my all

Can my heart freely sing.

It's through the waiting You refine

And shape my heart to be

A heart like Yours, and sanctify 

The dreams You've given me.

Our Hope

"Paul, and apostle of Christ Jesus by command of God our Savior and of Christ Jesus our hope..." (1 Timothy 1:1)

Here Jesus is identified as our hope. In every sorrow, heartache, difficulty, or unknown, we have hope, for He is our hope.
Our hope of guidance is in Him, for He is our Shepherd and has promised to go before us.
Our hope of strength is in Him, for He is the One fighting on our behalf, who bears us up on wings like eagles, and equips us for every good work.
Our hope of companionship and safety is in Him, for He has promised never to leave or forsake us.
Our hope of protection is in Him, for He is our defender and high tower.
Our hope of endurance is in Him, for He has promised to complete the good work He began and keep us standing until the end.
Our hope of victory is in Him, because He has conquered the enemy and gives grace to overcome every temptation.
Our hope of righteousness is in Him, for He has shed His blood on our behalf, and we are not only covered by this blood, but now have His Spirit within, moving in us "to will and to work for His good pleasure."
Our hope of a future is in Him, for He is coming again to reclaim His bride. Sorrow and suffering will be no more, and sin will no longer have any power in our lives. We will be free of all that distorts and obscures His glory.
Our hope is in Him, because His promises are great, and His promises are true.

"Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed." (Psalm 34:5) Never ashamed, because if we are looking to Him, the Object of our confidence will never fail. If we are in Him, let us walk in hope, for we have every reason to be hopeful!

Poem- "The Storm Within"

The accounts of Peter stepping out to walk on the water with Jesus and Jesus calming the storm have always spoken deeply to me. Not too long ago I was reflecting on them in a time of specific need, and this was the result.

"The Storm Within"

Your voice once calmed the waters,
You spoke peace to the sea.
Well Lord, I need you now,
For there's a storm inside of me.

I just can't fight these feelings,
My emotions won't be still,
And though I try and try,
My thoughts won't bend before Your will.

You're greater than my heart, Lord;
So faithful, strong, and true.
Speak, "Peace, be still," to calm my soul
And fix my eyes on You.

Or if You should call me
To step out into the storm,
I'll trust that, though on waves I walk,
You'll keep me standing firm.

No matter what surrounds me,
Whether storm or calm,
All I need is You beside,
My Love, my Strength, my Song.

Kings and Sparrows

Today I was reading Daniel's prayer in Daniel 2 after God reveals King Nebuchadnezzar's dream to him. Daniel says of God, "He removes kings and sets up kings." (Dan. 2:21b) I was reflecting on God's greatness and sovereignty over nations when God brought another verse to mind: "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father." (Matt. 10:29)

God is so great and powerful that every event of history was completely under His control, and every current event plastered all over the headlines is being orchestrated according to His perfect agenda, and this same mighty God cares for every little bird that lives and dies unnoticed by man.

Right now I am facing so many questions and unknowns which seem overwhelming at times. But the God who rules nations is powerful enough to shape every detail of my life into something which will bring Him glory, and the God who cares for each little sparrow surely cares intimately about me, His own child by the death of His Son. When I truly begin to see the character: the goodness, faithfulness, strength, beauty, wisdom, majesty, and glory of my God, trust is the natural outflow. How can I help but trust Him, when He has never been anything but faithful to the precious promises in His Word? Be Thou my vision Lord, and help me always to see!

"As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!" - Psalm 40:17

"Into your hand I commit my spirit; you have redeemed me, O Lord, faithful God...But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in your hand." - Psalm 31:5, 14-15a

¹⁵ 

Through Calm or Storm

In the Bible there are two accounts which offer an interesting contrast- Jesus calming a storm and Jesus walking on the water. (See Mark 4:35-41 and Matthew 14:22-33) In the first, He brought peace where there was chaos. In the second, He called His disciple out into it. In both, He was right there with His disciples, and in both, their faith is shown to be weak. I face many storms in life, and I cry out to Jesus. I long for Him to speak "peace, be still," over the raging seas. But if He doesn't, if He calls me to step out and walk on water through wind and waves which threaten to overwhelm, isn't He still with me? Isn't He still in control? Isn't He still working to accomplish His purposes? No matter what storms I come to and no matter what His response, may I ever trust the One who has authority over the wind and rain, for He has promised never to leave me or forsake me.

Of Axe Heads, Birthdays, and Elections

About a week ago, I was reading in 2 Kings 6, and was reminded of a wonderful sermon Eric Ludy gave on that passage while I was at Ellerslie. It was called "The Floating Axe Head", and I highly recommend listening to it. In the first part of 2 Kings 6, a man is chopping wood with a borrowed axe head, which flew off the handle and fell into a lake. Elisha makes the axe head float. The next verses contain a more well known story- Elisha and his servant are surrounded by a Syrian army seeking their destruction, and the servant is terrified. Elisha says, "Don't be afraid, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them", and then asks God to open his servant's eyes. The young man looks, and sees a heavenly army surrounding them. It's been nearly a year since I heard it, but I remember Eric making the point that God cares intimately about the small details of our lives, and works in them to build our faith and prepare us for even greater times of need.

Today was the culmination of over a month of planning a surprise birthday party for my brother Zach. We told him that we were making a video for a friends birthday after church, but while he was talking, my brother and another friend came up behind him in ski masks, put a pillow case over his head, tied his hands behind his back, put him in a car and drove him to the park where a big group of friends waited to yell "SURPRISE!" Our plan had so many variables, and I was nervous! I had been praying so hard over every detail, and was blessed to see God answer so many specific prayers. The timing went beautifully, Zach had no idea, God gave me and the other conspirators wisdom to deal with numerous challenges that arose, the party was so special, it didn't rain, we got a picnic shelter, and the list goes on. To say that I am so incredibly thankful is a massive understatement!

On Tuesday, the day after tomorrow, we will know the outcome of the elections which have been looming in our future for so long. I, as do so many others, have strong, prayed over convictions concerning my vote. It is my prayer that we will have men in office who's actions are most in alignment with the truth of God's Word, and it is a temptation to fear and be anxious when I imagine the way things may go.

The God who cares about the details of a birthday party is the same God who is in control of the nations. I trusted Him for the small things, but is He any less in control now? I saw Him work in this, and I've seen His faithfulness and ability so many times in my own life. When (in the natural sense) the course of our nation hangs in the balance, will I tremble and fear? Or, by God's grace, will I trust and rest in Him, knowing that He is in control? Hallelujah, we serve a God who is mighty beyond comprehension, and working His perfect purpose in the ridiculously insignificant and in the global. Pray. Vote. Pray harder. But oh, may we be a people who trust and obey our true King! May I be a sheep who gladly follows her Shepherd through hills and valleys! 

Learning to Sing

My dad is my voice teacher. Today we were working on a song, and he asked me to sing with a nasal voice. I've practiced a good deal over the years learning not to be nasal, so it was a bit challenging to sing in a way that feels so incorrect and isn't particularly lovely. Evidently I'll be doing this for awhile. Part of me wishes I could just sing it nicely right now and enjoy it. Maybe my voice isn't as good as it could be, but isn't it good enough? But I know better.

Dad knows so much more about singing than I do, and I trust his instruction. I know that he's asked this of me with an end goal in mind. He has a purpose in asking me to sing this way, and even though I don't really understand it, I'll do it gladly.

Sometimes God asks me to do things that the fleshly part of me would rather not do. They are uncomfortable, challenging, often painful, and just don't make sense. But God's wisdom is infinitely beyond mine. He desires to accomplish something in me- to shape me more and more into His likeness. Even though I may not understand, and I may never know His reason, I'll gladly obey whatever He asks and trust Him completely, by His grace.

"...Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5  

Poem- "Following"

This poem is the outflow of what God was teaching me during Esther.

"Following"

Lord, I want to follow You,
But I do not know the way.
Your paths are good; Your plan is perfect,
But in my own strength I can't obey.

The path is full of twists and turns
So dark I cannot see the road.
Confusion and despair surround me,
And crush me with their heavy load.

I am unable, unworthy, and helpless,
But You have said I am Your own.
You are my loving, faithful Shepherd;
I don't have to find my way alone.

In my weakness, You are mighty.
Nothing can thwart Your perfect plan.
You have promised to keep me from stumbling,
And to finish the work which You began.

I'll trust Your promise to lead and guide me;
To take my hand and be my Light;
To make the pathway straight before me,
And to lead the humble in what is right.

Lord, I want to follow You,

But I do not know the way.

I'll fix my eyes on You, my Shepherd, 

And trust Your guidance day by day. 

Lessons From a Spider Web?

God can use the most unlikely things to teach us! Last week I was facing something rather confusing, and I went to sit on the porch swing to pray about it for awhile. As I prayed, a small, beautifully made spider web caught my eye. At that moment I sensed God saying "That's significant", and I knew He wanted to tell me something about it. In the past God has often shown me truth about Himself through His creation, but He has never left me hanging like that before! I wasn't quite sure what to do, so I just waited quietly, asking Him to open my eyes to see what He wanted me to see. This is what He showed me. 

A spider web is a dangerous place, and has been the ruin of many. One wrong step and you're trapped! However, there is a way to move safely on a spider web. The only one who knows the path is the spider, because he is the one who made it. In order to navigate a spider web, you must follow the one who knows the way.

Make me to know your ways, O Lord;  teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in the way. He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way. All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies. Who is the man who fears the Lord? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose. His soul shall abide in well-being, and his offspring shall inherit the land.The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant. My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will pluck my feet out of the net. 
(Psalm 25:4-5, 8-10, 12-15)

    

Sun and Rain

Today I was reading and reflecting on Psalm 84:11a, "For the Lord God is a sun and shield..." I was thinking about all the sun does. It brings life, warmth, and light. It also brings growth. I (alas!) am no gardener, but even I know that plants thrive when they receive the proper amount of sunlight. As I meditated on the implications of those qualities, oddly enough, a line from Les Mis popped into my head: "....and rain will make the flowers grow." 

Sun and rain, both essential for any flower to reach full beauty. Some days are sunny- full of joy and peace. Life is clear, and it's easy to sense God's nearness. But what happens when the rains come? Trials, loss, struggle, feelings of emptiness... We all prefer the sun! But it is through those times that God refines us and grows us more and more into His likeness. (see 1 Peter 1:3-9 and James 1:2-4) He allows the rain of life to cultivate joy, contentment, peace, patience, and trust, to name a very few. 

On a dreary, rainy day, is the sun still there? Of course, and doing exactly what it does on a cloudless day when you can see it clearly. We walk by faith and not by sight! He promises hardship, (John 16:33) but He also promises never to leave us in it, (Isaiah 43:1-2) and to work all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose! (Romans 8:28)

What could be greater good than being made more like Him?

God so often uses music to remind me of truth, and this song has blessed me on many rainy days.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZHfv2ivUrM 

Life Update and a Dear Friend

Recently I had the honor of being asked to write a guest post for my dear Ellerslie friend Hannah Rose's blog. We met in Colorado and were excited to discover that we only live only 30 minutes apart! Her friendship is a special gift from God. If you'd like to hear what God has been up to in my life, please take a moment and read the post. While you're on her blog, read her testimony! God is using her in amazing ways.