An Outside Perspective Pt. 3: Faith in the Midst of Chronic Illness

"In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." ~ Jesus (John 16:33b)

     I'm blessed to live in a community in which people pray for each other. "I'm praying for you" is often heard, and, I trust, meant. "How are your mom and brother? Please tell them I'm praying for them." I pray too. But what happens when answers tarry, or maybe never come the way we hoped they would? What happens when, after years, things just get worse instead of better? Living with chronic illness is a wearying road (and it's not a sin to be weary!!)

     It is hard to persevere in praying with faith knowing that God can heal, yet still finding peace in His sovereign goodness, saying "Thy will be done." It's easy to lean toward one extreme or the other, either "claiming healing in Jesus' Name" and then being hurt and disillusioned when healing doesn't come, or just giving up on praying about it at all, giving in to despair. But the reality is, we are never promised healing. On the contrary, in Scripture we are promised repeatedly that life will, in some way, shape, or form, be hard. What we are promised is that we can have hope, peace, and joy even in the midst of suffering. In Christ, we are more than conquerors no matter what suffering we may be facing, and we know that nothing can separate us from His love. (I'm resisting the urge to quote all of Romans 8:16-39 here, but please, pause and read it. It's so good).

     As Christians, our hope is not ultimately in this life. Even one freed from the bondage of chronic illness still dwells in a mortal body which will eventually wear out and meet death. Praise God, because of Jesus and His atoning sacrifice, we have a "living hope" (1 Peter 1:3), a certain hope of eternity with God where we will never again know sadness, pain, or suffering. Whatever this life may hold until then, we can have hope for that reason. That is why we can rejoice.

     So in praying for a friend with chronic illness, yes, by all means pray that God will heal them! We serve a mighty God for whom nothing is impossible, who loves and cares for His children, and we hope that someday He may choose to heal. But pray especially that God will uphold them in the midst of trial. Pray that He will sustain their faith, give them hope, joy, and strength to meet each day. Pray that He will comfort and encourage them with His promises. And don't ever stop praying.

     I tried to capture all this in a poem I wrote for my Mom some time ago, inspired by Romans 8, and I will use it as a conclusion to this series of posts. Whether you are facing chronic illness or trial of any kind, I pray it is a blessing to you.

"Healing"

Few can see, and fewer grasp
The nature of this road,
A way of hidden suff'ring
On which many tears are sown.

Healing an elusive dream
And pain a steady friend
Imparting weariness to days
Which drag on without end.

This isolating illness
With no promise of a cure
Casts shadows of discouragement
Oppressive to endure.

A God of love, unbroken pain,
How are these reconciled?
How can a Father give with love
This thorn to His own child?

These concepts do not contradict
Though I afflicted be,
For I'm co-heir with Jesus,
And He suffered for me.

Oh, pity me, all who look on,
If all that I possess
Is uncertain chance of healing
And hope of earthly rest.

Yet, God be praised! That is not so.
One day this ache will lift.
A hope unseen, but certain hope
Is mine because He lives.

An eternal weight of glory waits-
The glory of His reign.
Not even worth comparing
With this passing, transient pain.

This troubled path is leading home.
One day I'll reach that place,
And there be healed forever
When at last I see His face. 

Poem- "My Confidence"

This week I've had more time to just be still than I usually do... and to be honest, I kind of miss the busyness! As long as I'm staying busy with tasks and relationships God has placed in my life it's great, and He gives so much grace, but busyness can become an idol. Coming into this week I've noticed in my heart a definite resistance to the stillness. I've been praying about it a lot, asking God to strengthen my desire to just draw near to Him, and hating my own fallen, wandering heart which so often renders that prayer necessary. Last night though, God reminded me of the glorious truth that He doesn't change based on how I feel about Him. Feelings shift and alter, but He never does.

For a long time, I have struggled with legalism... and by that I mean the tendency to measure my relationship with Him based on my performance- how well I'm doing in living out my faith. It is right and biblical to pursue obedience and a deeper walk with Him, but my standing before Him is based not on what I do, but on what He did on the cross! This poem is something He placed on my heart as I was meditating on that this morning. It's kind of simplistic, but it's something I needed to remember, and I hope it's a blessing to you as well!  

"My Confidence"

No heights of joy or thankfulness,
No zeal to win the lost,
No grief over my failures,
No passion for the cross,

No amount of study,
Gleaning knowledge of His Word,
No hours spent in fervent prayer,
Heart bent before the Lord...

No endurance in great trial,
No faithfulness through pain,
No sacrifice or service
I might render in His name,

All good things which He desires,
But they are not enough
To gain a place before His throne
Nor win for me His love.

It's Jesus who has paved my way,
Through His obedience.
My hope is found in Christ alone;
In Him my righteousness.

So, though I pray that all these things
May be seen in me,
Only in His blood I gain
My true identity

Poem- "With Joy"

"...I will offer in His tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and make melody to the Lord." - Psalm 27:6b

I remember reading that years ago and being struck by the concept of sacrificing with joy. We may not sacrifice animals anymore, but we are called to be living sacrifices.The Websters 1828 dictionary defines sacrifice as "Offered to God upon an altar; destroyed, surrendered, or suffered to be lost." When we think of sacrifice, it's often with dread, fear, or reluctance, because we know that there is pain involved in laying something down. But here the psalmist is sacrificing with a song in his heart. Why? Because He loves the Lord. Because God has delivered him in his time of need. Because He has learned that there is nothing of greater worth than seeking Him, knowing Him, and being known by Him. I want to sacrifice with shouts of joy. This is something God placed on my heart this morning.

"With Joy"

This path is one of sacrifice,

A road with heavy cost.

We follow our dear Savior,

Who suffered on the cross.

Yet though this path brings sorrow,

It's no pathway of despair.

For as this world is stripped away,

We find our Jesus there.

How can a heart make melody;

Find joy in sacrifice?

By finding what we gain in Him,

The Pearl of greatest price.

A heart in love with Jesus

Can give without a qualm,

For though in pouring out, it aches,

It's filled with His sweet song.

Oh, may I walk this path He's set,

Cost me what it may.

May I place my trust in Him,

And trusting Him, obey.

"You have said, 'Seek My face." My heart says to You, ' Your face, Lord, do I seek.'" - Psalm 27:8

Poem- "Worry"

Worry is a definite weakness of mine. It is so easy for me to dwell on what may happen and grow anxious, instead of trusting in the loving control of my King.  Corrie Ten Boom said, “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” That is so true! If I'm imagining everything that may happen, or being stressed over circumstances, I'm trying to take my life into my own hands. That never goes well, because I can't change anything- I can only make myself miserable! More than that, it is sinful. When faced with worry, I have to choose to remember who is truly in control, and trust His perfect plan.

"Worry"

Worry is an enemy

That seeks my joy to steal.

It tries to take my eyes off Christ,

And on to what I feel.

If I cling to worry,

All peace is quickly gone.

An anxious heart will soon drown out

All loving, trusting song. 

Have I forgotten Who's in charge

And orchestrates all things?

Do I think that He who died for me

Won't care what my life brings?

A trial or chance of sorrow 

Presents me with a choice.

Will I dwell on what might happen,

Or listen to His voice?

Instead of anxious wond'ring

About what the future holds,

May I ever trust my God,

As He His plan unfolds.

"For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord."
Psalm 112:6-7

Poem- "In Waiting"

God gave me this poem earlier this year in the midst of circumstances which pressed me to a level of surrender deeper than I had ever experienced before. In light of what several friends are going through, now seemed the time to post it. 

"In Waiting"

"Hope deferred makes sick the heart."

Perhaps the proverb's true,

But though hard pressed, I'll not be crushed

If my hope lies in You.

To wait still more seems much too cruel;

A burden I can't face,

But should this cup be mine to drink,

I know You'll give me grace.

The beauty of this dream can't be 

The prize to which I cling,

For only when You are my all

Can my heart freely sing.

It's through the waiting You refine

And shape my heart to be

A heart like Yours, and sanctify 

The dreams You've given me.

Poem- "Blessings"

"Blessings"

Don't let another take the place
Which must be Yours alone.
Please Lord, don't let Your gifts take that
Which You, the Giver, own.

I see how richly I am blessed,
My life is full, it's true,
But these things have no worth
Unless they point my heart to You.

May I be so consumed with You
That the joys which fill my days
Just lead my heart to love you more,
And to live a life of praise.

Poem- "The Storm Within"

The accounts of Peter stepping out to walk on the water with Jesus and Jesus calming the storm have always spoken deeply to me. Not too long ago I was reflecting on them in a time of specific need, and this was the result.

"The Storm Within"

Your voice once calmed the waters,
You spoke peace to the sea.
Well Lord, I need you now,
For there's a storm inside of me.

I just can't fight these feelings,
My emotions won't be still,
And though I try and try,
My thoughts won't bend before Your will.

You're greater than my heart, Lord;
So faithful, strong, and true.
Speak, "Peace, be still," to calm my soul
And fix my eyes on You.

Or if You should call me
To step out into the storm,
I'll trust that, though on waves I walk,
You'll keep me standing firm.

No matter what surrounds me,
Whether storm or calm,
All I need is You beside,
My Love, my Strength, my Song.

Poem- "The Call"

Perhaps someday I'll post about the circumstances during which God placed this poem on my heart, but for now, I pray that God uses it to speak to you as He used it to speak to me. My poems are not really mine; they are His gifts to me when I need them desperately.

"The Call"

Can I withhold a part of me from Him who gave His all?
Can I shrink back and hide my face when I should hear His call?
What might He ask of me, so dear, to which my heart must cling?
Is anything too much to give for Him, my bleeding King?
It was no path of comfort walked by Christ, the Lord of all.
The throne of heav'n He left behind, born in a humble stall.
He had no palace rich and grand, no life of ease He led.
No, my dear Savior had no place to lay His weary head.
No jeweled robes clothed His worthy frame, ne'er did the masses bow.
Instead, it was a crown of thorns which graced His holy brow.
That voice, so mighty, strong and grand, which caused the earth to quake
Cried out in anguish from the cross, where He suffered for my sake.
And now He calls me to this narrow road of sacrifice.
Can I see Him dying on the cross and cry, "Too great a price"?
No, nothing is to much to give to Him who gave His all.
And so, by grace, I'll not shrink back, and I will heed His call.

Poem- "You Know"

God gave me this poem a few months ago when I was going through something very painful. I didn't share it then because it was too fresh, but I share it now with the prayer that God might use it to minister to someone else as it ministered to me. 

"You Know"

No matter what heartache comes into my life,
No matter what sorrow I bear,
I'll not be shaken, though tears wet my eyes,
My Jesus, my Savior is there.

No matter what darkness hangs over my life,
No matter what suff'ring I face,
I'll rest in Your shelter, held close to Your heart,
And walk in the light of Your grace.

Your love is so great, Your compassion so tender,
Not only because I am Thine,
But because You, my King, were acquainted with grief,
And knew much darker darkness than mine.

You knew what it meant to know sorrow and heartache
While you dwelt here on this earth,
Hated by those whom You came to deliever,
Despised and rejected from birth.

You knew what it meant to lay down something precious;
You followed despite heavy cost.
You gave up Your throne, and the smile of Your Father
In exchange for the shame of the cross.

That which You gave up was wholly more lovely
Than all I can see here below,
And the anguish You suffered, the cup which You drank,
Such sorrow now I'll never know.

So may I not tremble to follow Your footsteps,
Who holds every tear I have cried,
Surrender dear dreams, and trust through the darkness,
And find true, pure joy at Your side.

Poem- "Following"

This poem is the outflow of what God was teaching me during Esther.

"Following"

Lord, I want to follow You,
But I do not know the way.
Your paths are good; Your plan is perfect,
But in my own strength I can't obey.

The path is full of twists and turns
So dark I cannot see the road.
Confusion and despair surround me,
And crush me with their heavy load.

I am unable, unworthy, and helpless,
But You have said I am Your own.
You are my loving, faithful Shepherd;
I don't have to find my way alone.

In my weakness, You are mighty.
Nothing can thwart Your perfect plan.
You have promised to keep me from stumbling,
And to finish the work which You began.

I'll trust Your promise to lead and guide me;
To take my hand and be my Light;
To make the pathway straight before me,
And to lead the humble in what is right.

Lord, I want to follow You,

But I do not know the way.

I'll fix my eyes on You, my Shepherd, 

And trust Your guidance day by day. 

Poem- "The Exchange"

God place this poem on my heart after an Ellerslie session. (The Costly Gospel, for those who were there.) I long to live daily in light of the cross. (The picture is from a play I was in this past summer. Being a part impacted me deeply. Perhaps I will share more on that in another post. Photo credit: www.middlemanphotography.com)

"The Exchange"

A cross of shame, a sinner's dread

I see on Calvary,

Where deep in anguish, cursed, despised,

My Savior died for me.

Can I to my own life cling

When I Thy suffering see?

Gladly Lord, I all forsake,

For Thou gave all for me.

My Jesus, let me not unmoved

Continue in my ways.

All I am for all Thou art;

A sacrifice of praise.

These empty treasures, once esteemed,

This nothing that was mine,

So long held dear, I now despise,

Exchanging them for Thine.

Thy tender love, Thy precious grace,

My longings all fulfill.

Such depths of mercy hold my heart,

Yet Thou art deeper still.

With joy I bow before Thy throne,

To Thee my all I bring.

A giving up, a laying down,

And in return, my King.

Poem- "My One Desire"

"My One Desire"

I want to love my Jesus more;
To follow Him in all His ways.
My heart His own always and only,
To live my life to bring Him praise.

I want to dwell beneath His wings;
To find my refuge in His arms,
My hope in Him through darkest trials,
And perfect peace through hell's alarms.

I want to know Him in His sorrow;
To cry His tears over the lost;
To bear the burdens He would give me;
To know His heart despite the cost.

I want to dance with joy unmeasured,
Heart set free, before His throne.
I want to sing His song forever;
Delight in Him, and Him alone.

So take me now, my precious Jesus.
Help me Savior, Lover, Friend.
It is enough that you are with me,
With me now until the end.

My Shepherd

Look at me.

I am but a little sheep.

Weak. Defenseless. Powerless.

Do you see these hoofs?

They are incapable of doing anything of value.

Do you see these legs?

They are completely unable to follow after the Shepherd.

Do you see this mouth?

It is only capable of a pathetic bleat.

Do you see these eyes?

They are so prone to wander and to dart about in fear.

Now forget about me.

Look at my Shepherd.

Strong. Powerful. Beautiful.

Do you see His hands?

They are quick to defend, mighty to work,

And the nail scars speak of resounding victory.

Do you see His legs?

They can go anywhere; climb any mountain standing in the way.

Do you see His mouth?

His very Word is power.

Do you see His eyes?

See how they look with love on my weakness.

Too great a love to allow me to remain that way.

Yes, look at my Shepherd.

Don't dwell on your inability; cling to His ability.

He has given all you need to follow Him.

To love Him, and to love others as He has loved you.

Look to Him and love Him on days of sunshine.

Hide under His shadow and be saved from any foe.

Move forward in His strength against the wolves.

Look at my Shepherd, and lose yourself in Him.