Learning to Sing

My dad is my voice teacher. Today we were working on a song, and he asked me to sing with a nasal voice. I've practiced a good deal over the years learning not to be nasal, so it was a bit challenging to sing in a way that feels so incorrect and isn't particularly lovely. Evidently I'll be doing this for awhile. Part of me wishes I could just sing it nicely right now and enjoy it. Maybe my voice isn't as good as it could be, but isn't it good enough? But I know better.

Dad knows so much more about singing than I do, and I trust his instruction. I know that he's asked this of me with an end goal in mind. He has a purpose in asking me to sing this way, and even though I don't really understand it, I'll do it gladly.

Sometimes God asks me to do things that the fleshly part of me would rather not do. They are uncomfortable, challenging, often painful, and just don't make sense. But God's wisdom is infinitely beyond mine. He desires to accomplish something in me- to shape me more and more into His likeness. Even though I may not understand, and I may never know His reason, I'll gladly obey whatever He asks and trust Him completely, by His grace.

"...Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5  

Poem- "Following"

This poem is the outflow of what God was teaching me during Esther.

"Following"

Lord, I want to follow You,
But I do not know the way.
Your paths are good; Your plan is perfect,
But in my own strength I can't obey.

The path is full of twists and turns
So dark I cannot see the road.
Confusion and despair surround me,
And crush me with their heavy load.

I am unable, unworthy, and helpless,
But You have said I am Your own.
You are my loving, faithful Shepherd;
I don't have to find my way alone.

In my weakness, You are mighty.
Nothing can thwart Your perfect plan.
You have promised to keep me from stumbling,
And to finish the work which You began.

I'll trust Your promise to lead and guide me;
To take my hand and be my Light;
To make the pathway straight before me,
And to lead the humble in what is right.

Lord, I want to follow You,

But I do not know the way.

I'll fix my eyes on You, my Shepherd, 

And trust Your guidance day by day. 

Esther: Chosen for Such a Time As This

This summer I had the joy of being a part of CYT's production of Esther: Chosen for Such a Time As This. God's work is always evident in CYT, but during summer plays even more so, because there is so much to do in such a short amount of time. This play is one of my favorites. During Esther's song "If I Perish, she sings, "I don't know what's before me, but I know Who stands behind me, so I'll walk with growing courage in my heart." That line has become the theme of my life. Backstage we always pray for the audience; that God would prepare their hearts and enable them to receive the message. We also pray the same thing for ourselves! I am so blessed to have so many friends who genuinely love God and seek to please Him, and it was an honor to watch how God worked in the hearts of so many of those I love during these two months.

We had many sweet times of prayer and worship throughout, but Saturday just before the final performance surpassed anything I'd seen in CYT. My friend played the song "Everything" by Lifehouse on his guitar, and soon we were all on our faces before God, praying and repenting. God moved. Friends I had never seen even seen cry were sobbing. We saw our brokenness and were in awe of God's faithfulness, mercy, and love. It was painful, but also an intensely beautiful thing to be a part of. We were barely able to pull it together to start the show.

So what now? What happens now that the show is over, the sets are down, the costumes are being washed and put away, and we're all going back to everyday life? Will we forget and move on? I am resting in Philippians 1:6- "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." What took place was His work, and He promises to finish that which He began! I pray that we will learn to walk with the same level of dependence and prayer which has hallmarked the past two weeks. Our God is mighty, worthy, and so very good! 

Here are a few pictures.

Zach and I got to dance together, and it was so much fun!

My lovely friend Bekah played Esther, and did such a beautiful job! We had lovely times and a good deal of laughter while carpooling, and it was a joy to watch all that God did in her heart.

Meg, Jenna, and Grace were my "children" for one scene. We had a wonderful time working on character development and creating a family dynamic!

Audrey and Megan's friendship is a gift such a gift from God! Their prayers and encouragement mean more than I can say.

Grace, Tori, Stephanie, and me waiting for color. :)

Mom and Dad!

Me and Zach with Patrick, who we have pretty much adopted.

Hannah Rose, my dear Ellerslie friend, who has been a part through prayer from the very start!

Lessons From a Spider Web?

God can use the most unlikely things to teach us! Last week I was facing something rather confusing, and I went to sit on the porch swing to pray about it for awhile. As I prayed, a small, beautifully made spider web caught my eye. At that moment I sensed God saying "That's significant", and I knew He wanted to tell me something about it. In the past God has often shown me truth about Himself through His creation, but He has never left me hanging like that before! I wasn't quite sure what to do, so I just waited quietly, asking Him to open my eyes to see what He wanted me to see. This is what He showed me. 

A spider web is a dangerous place, and has been the ruin of many. One wrong step and you're trapped! However, there is a way to move safely on a spider web. The only one who knows the path is the spider, because he is the one who made it. In order to navigate a spider web, you must follow the one who knows the way.

Make me to know your ways, O Lord;  teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in the way. He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way. All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies. Who is the man who fears the Lord? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose. His soul shall abide in well-being, and his offspring shall inherit the land.The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant. My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will pluck my feet out of the net. 
(Psalm 25:4-5, 8-10, 12-15)

    

Precious Gifts

Every once in awhile I just stop and realize how richly God has blessed me. Amid all of the struggle and confusion of life, I have so very much to be thankful for. We live in a fallen world, but however imperfect, there is so much beauty to treasure. Here are just a few of the gifts God has given me.

-My family: I love them so much. We are a quirky bunch, and differences lead to clashes at times, but as I've grown in the Lord I've grown to appreciate them more and more. My dad makes me laugh and listens when I want to talk, my mom's wisdom is invaluable, and her walk with the Lord has been an example for mine. My brothers are quite skilled at driving me crazy, but they are also some of my best friends. I pray that God continues to grow us closer together and closer to Him!

-My friends: Where even to start? God has given me friends who are serious in their walk with Him and encourage me in mine. We can laugh, talk and cry together. Honestly, I can't even express how much they mean to me. (Important note: These pictures are NOT all-inclusive! Just because you are not in one of them doesn't mean that I don't love you very much!)

Me, Barbara, Patrick, and Hope

Naomi, Annika, Kaylee, Jonathan, Julia, Zach, Joseph, me, Jamey, Melissa

Kara, me, Rebekah, Delise, Hope, Emma

 Shalea, Brie, me, Dusty, Angela, Hannah Rose, Faith, Karen

Laura, Emma, me

-Christian Youth Theatre (CYT): My second family! I'm not exaggerating when I say that God has used it to change my life. I love the acting, dancing, singing, and I love serving, working backstage, and teaching the kids, but in all of that, the best is how purposefully we seek to glorify Jesus together- to decrease that He might increase. We have such sweet times of prayer and worship, and it is through CYT that God has taught me (among so many other things) to look to Him for strength instead of myself.

Cast of Phantom of the Opera 2011

JESUS! 2011. Life changing.

The Three Bears: Phantom of the Opera 2011

-My church: This one is new. A few weeks ago, I became a member of Sovereign Grace Church. It already feels like home. Through Sunday morning and my home group; through the teaching and fellowship with other believers, I am constantly challenged and encouraged in my walk with Christ!

-Himself: The Gift above all gifts! I could go on and on. He opens my eyes to see all that He is, He fills me with a desperate longing to honor Him and then lives through me to make me more like Himself. He holds me when I hurt, guides me when I'm confused, brings me back when I stray, and loves me too much to leave me the way I am. He died for me, made my blind eyes see, lifted me out of my sin, and now calls me His own! I know with all my heart that even if all that I mentioned before were stripped away, He would be enough, for He has promised and cannot lie.

Thank you Jesus!

Sun and Rain

Today I was reading and reflecting on Psalm 84:11a, "For the Lord God is a sun and shield..." I was thinking about all the sun does. It brings life, warmth, and light. It also brings growth. I (alas!) am no gardener, but even I know that plants thrive when they receive the proper amount of sunlight. As I meditated on the implications of those qualities, oddly enough, a line from Les Mis popped into my head: "....and rain will make the flowers grow." 

Sun and rain, both essential for any flower to reach full beauty. Some days are sunny- full of joy and peace. Life is clear, and it's easy to sense God's nearness. But what happens when the rains come? Trials, loss, struggle, feelings of emptiness... We all prefer the sun! But it is through those times that God refines us and grows us more and more into His likeness. (see 1 Peter 1:3-9 and James 1:2-4) He allows the rain of life to cultivate joy, contentment, peace, patience, and trust, to name a very few. 

On a dreary, rainy day, is the sun still there? Of course, and doing exactly what it does on a cloudless day when you can see it clearly. We walk by faith and not by sight! He promises hardship, (John 16:33) but He also promises never to leave us in it, (Isaiah 43:1-2) and to work all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose! (Romans 8:28)

What could be greater good than being made more like Him?

God so often uses music to remind me of truth, and this song has blessed me on many rainy days.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZHfv2ivUrM 

Walk for Life

This Sunday I will be participating in the 7th annual Hand of Hope Walk for Life! Two days left, and I am only $160 away from meeting my goal of $1500. Praise God! I would love to ask you to pray about sponsoring me.

Hand of Hope is an amazing crisis pregnancy center dedicated to being a voice for the unborn and sharing Jesus with those who need Him desperately. I am honored to be able to do something to serve them, even in such a small way. Please prayerfully consider whether God would have you give to enable their ministry to continue. Even just a few dollars will make a difference! Also, if you live in the area, come out and join us for the walk! 

God is a Father to the fatherless, and He allows us the privilege of being His hands and feet!


Online donations can be made here. http://www.ministrysync.com/event/website/?m=947323   

Life Update and a Dear Friend

Recently I had the honor of being asked to write a guest post for my dear Ellerslie friend Hannah Rose's blog. We met in Colorado and were excited to discover that we only live only 30 minutes apart! Her friendship is a special gift from God. If you'd like to hear what God has been up to in my life, please take a moment and read the post. While you're on her blog, read her testimony! God is using her in amazing ways.

Poem- "The Exchange"

God place this poem on my heart after an Ellerslie session. (The Costly Gospel, for those who were there.) I long to live daily in light of the cross. (The picture is from a play I was in this past summer. Being a part impacted me deeply. Perhaps I will share more on that in another post. Photo credit: www.middlemanphotography.com)

"The Exchange"

A cross of shame, a sinner's dread

I see on Calvary,

Where deep in anguish, cursed, despised,

My Savior died for me.

Can I to my own life cling

When I Thy suffering see?

Gladly Lord, I all forsake,

For Thou gave all for me.

My Jesus, let me not unmoved

Continue in my ways.

All I am for all Thou art;

A sacrifice of praise.

These empty treasures, once esteemed,

This nothing that was mine,

So long held dear, I now despise,

Exchanging them for Thine.

Thy tender love, Thy precious grace,

My longings all fulfill.

Such depths of mercy hold my heart,

Yet Thou art deeper still.

With joy I bow before Thy throne,

To Thee my all I bring.

A giving up, a laying down,

And in return, my King.

Poem- "My One Desire"

"My One Desire"

I want to love my Jesus more;
To follow Him in all His ways.
My heart His own always and only,
To live my life to bring Him praise.

I want to dwell beneath His wings;
To find my refuge in His arms,
My hope in Him through darkest trials,
And perfect peace through hell's alarms.

I want to know Him in His sorrow;
To cry His tears over the lost;
To bear the burdens He would give me;
To know His heart despite the cost.

I want to dance with joy unmeasured,
Heart set free, before His throne.
I want to sing His song forever;
Delight in Him, and Him alone.

So take me now, my precious Jesus.
Help me Savior, Lover, Friend.
It is enough that you are with me,
With me now until the end.