Poem- "The Call"

Perhaps someday I'll post about the circumstances during which God placed this poem on my heart, but for now, I pray that God uses it to speak to you as He used it to speak to me. My poems are not really mine; they are His gifts to me when I need them desperately.

"The Call"

Can I withhold a part of me from Him who gave His all?
Can I shrink back and hide my face when I should hear His call?
What might He ask of me, so dear, to which my heart must cling?
Is anything too much to give for Him, my bleeding King?
It was no path of comfort walked by Christ, the Lord of all.
The throne of heav'n He left behind, born in a humble stall.
He had no palace rich and grand, no life of ease He led.
No, my dear Savior had no place to lay His weary head.
No jeweled robes clothed His worthy frame, ne'er did the masses bow.
Instead, it was a crown of thorns which graced His holy brow.
That voice, so mighty, strong and grand, which caused the earth to quake
Cried out in anguish from the cross, where He suffered for my sake.
And now He calls me to this narrow road of sacrifice.
Can I see Him dying on the cross and cry, "Too great a price"?
No, nothing is to much to give to Him who gave His all.
And so, by grace, I'll not shrink back, and I will heed His call.

Connecticut Shooting - A Different Perspective

Yesterday morning the unthinkable happened- a man entered an elementary school and opened fire, killing 6 adults and 20 children between the ages of 5 and 10. The reality of what happened is so horrifying that it's difficult to grasp. A shooting in any sort of setting is tragic, but the fact that this crime was committed against children makes it even more appalling. Children are vulnerable, and to protect and defend them is almost instinctive. My heart breaks for those families.

As heartbreaking as that is, the sad reality is that somewhere over 3000 children are killed daily, almost unnoticed, in America alone. Yesterday, while the gunman was opening fire, I was standing outside of an abortion clinic, praying quietly. I watched women go by, as I do every week, some laughing with a friend, some cold and indifferent, some appearing nervous. Everywhere around life goes on as usual. People arrive for work at various offices surrounding the clinic. Some acknowledge my smile and wave back, some don't. Children wait for the school bus. Across the street people stop for coffee at Starbucks or McDonalds. But inside that clean, friendly looking building with the lovely tree in front, children are being killed- killed in a "safe, legal procedure."

God's heart is breaking. Why don't we see? Are we so used to hearing about it that we've grown desensitized? Are we too self-centered to care? Are there more pressing matters at hand? These precious lives being knit together by the One who died to give us life are being literally torn to pieces in the place where they should be safest. How can we, as His people, turn the other way? What ought our response to be? That is a question for each of us to prayerfully ask God. Cry out to Him and let Him break your heart. It will look different for each of us, but may we as the church be blind no longer.

Dear Lord, give us eyes to see, a heart to care, and courage and your strength to respond.

Through Calm or Storm

In the Bible there are two accounts which offer an interesting contrast- Jesus calming a storm and Jesus walking on the water. (See Mark 4:35-41 and Matthew 14:22-33) In the first, He brought peace where there was chaos. In the second, He called His disciple out into it. In both, He was right there with His disciples, and in both, their faith is shown to be weak. I face many storms in life, and I cry out to Jesus. I long for Him to speak "peace, be still," over the raging seas. But if He doesn't, if He calls me to step out and walk on water through wind and waves which threaten to overwhelm, isn't He still with me? Isn't He still in control? Isn't He still working to accomplish His purposes? No matter what storms I come to and no matter what His response, may I ever trust the One who has authority over the wind and rain, for He has promised never to leave me or forsake me.

Poem- "You Know"

God gave me this poem a few months ago when I was going through something very painful. I didn't share it then because it was too fresh, but I share it now with the prayer that God might use it to minister to someone else as it ministered to me. 

"You Know"

No matter what heartache comes into my life,
No matter what sorrow I bear,
I'll not be shaken, though tears wet my eyes,
My Jesus, my Savior is there.

No matter what darkness hangs over my life,
No matter what suff'ring I face,
I'll rest in Your shelter, held close to Your heart,
And walk in the light of Your grace.

Your love is so great, Your compassion so tender,
Not only because I am Thine,
But because You, my King, were acquainted with grief,
And knew much darker darkness than mine.

You knew what it meant to know sorrow and heartache
While you dwelt here on this earth,
Hated by those whom You came to deliever,
Despised and rejected from birth.

You knew what it meant to lay down something precious;
You followed despite heavy cost.
You gave up Your throne, and the smile of Your Father
In exchange for the shame of the cross.

That which You gave up was wholly more lovely
Than all I can see here below,
And the anguish You suffered, the cup which You drank,
Such sorrow now I'll never know.

So may I not tremble to follow Your footsteps,
Who holds every tear I have cried,
Surrender dear dreams, and trust through the darkness,
And find true, pure joy at Your side.

Of Axe Heads, Birthdays, and Elections

About a week ago, I was reading in 2 Kings 6, and was reminded of a wonderful sermon Eric Ludy gave on that passage while I was at Ellerslie. It was called "The Floating Axe Head", and I highly recommend listening to it. In the first part of 2 Kings 6, a man is chopping wood with a borrowed axe head, which flew off the handle and fell into a lake. Elisha makes the axe head float. The next verses contain a more well known story- Elisha and his servant are surrounded by a Syrian army seeking their destruction, and the servant is terrified. Elisha says, "Don't be afraid, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them", and then asks God to open his servant's eyes. The young man looks, and sees a heavenly army surrounding them. It's been nearly a year since I heard it, but I remember Eric making the point that God cares intimately about the small details of our lives, and works in them to build our faith and prepare us for even greater times of need.

Today was the culmination of over a month of planning a surprise birthday party for my brother Zach. We told him that we were making a video for a friends birthday after church, but while he was talking, my brother and another friend came up behind him in ski masks, put a pillow case over his head, tied his hands behind his back, put him in a car and drove him to the park where a big group of friends waited to yell "SURPRISE!" Our plan had so many variables, and I was nervous! I had been praying so hard over every detail, and was blessed to see God answer so many specific prayers. The timing went beautifully, Zach had no idea, God gave me and the other conspirators wisdom to deal with numerous challenges that arose, the party was so special, it didn't rain, we got a picnic shelter, and the list goes on. To say that I am so incredibly thankful is a massive understatement!

On Tuesday, the day after tomorrow, we will know the outcome of the elections which have been looming in our future for so long. I, as do so many others, have strong, prayed over convictions concerning my vote. It is my prayer that we will have men in office who's actions are most in alignment with the truth of God's Word, and it is a temptation to fear and be anxious when I imagine the way things may go.

The God who cares about the details of a birthday party is the same God who is in control of the nations. I trusted Him for the small things, but is He any less in control now? I saw Him work in this, and I've seen His faithfulness and ability so many times in my own life. When (in the natural sense) the course of our nation hangs in the balance, will I tremble and fear? Or, by God's grace, will I trust and rest in Him, knowing that He is in control? Hallelujah, we serve a God who is mighty beyond comprehension, and working His perfect purpose in the ridiculously insignificant and in the global. Pray. Vote. Pray harder. But oh, may we be a people who trust and obey our true King! May I be a sheep who gladly follows her Shepherd through hills and valleys! 

Living our Faith

I wrote this quite awhile ago (March, I think). I had a lot of questions floating around in my head, and I did what is always best and what I pray will be more and more my first recourse- I prayed and searched God's Word. The following is the unedited result. I never intended to do anything with it, but I shared it with a friend a few weeks ago and she encouraged me to post it. (I believe her words were something like, "I better see this on your blog within a few weeks, or else!") So here you go.

Holiness. What is it? Some thoughts.
We are called to be holy. (1 Peter 1:15-16) So how does that work exactly? One camp looks at the fact that we are no longer under the law, but grace; the fact that we are accepted and forgiven, as freedom to do whatever we want. The problems with that are obvious. (Romans 6:15) Then on the other end there are those who try to be holy by their own effort, esteeming the commands of God and seeking to follow them on their own. This leads either to prideful self-righteousness or defeat and despair. (also see John 15:5, and look at what Jesus said to the pharisees!) Then things get less black and white. There are those who embrace the idea that holiness can only come from Christ working in us, but then see any form of discipline or pursuit of holy living as legalism. Still others become so focused on holiness that they are afraid to rest in Christ's love, even if they are seeking His strength to follow His pattern.

So where is the balance? You can't deny that we are called to holiness and perfection (Matthew 5:48) Obviously this isn't a perfection we can achieve. Our only hope is the shed blood of Christ to cover our sin. We can't meet the righteous requirements of the law, only Jesus could. (Romans 3:23-24) But this should then alter the way we live. (Romans 6:1-2, 4, 7:4) So on the one hand, the work of the believer is to believe. (John 6:29) But what is this believing? We act on what we believe. If I knew that I had inherited a fortune, wouldn't I take steps to actually possess it? If I knew that a car had been given to me, wouldn't I climb in and drive it? Belief determines action. It is not a passive knowing of fact, but a revolutionary, life-altering understanding of truth. What is it that we're believing exactly? We believe that Jesus has given us everything we need for life and godliness! (2 Peter 1:3) We're believing that we are dead to sin and alive in Christ! (Romans 6:3-4) We believe that it is no longer we who live, but Christ who lives in us! (Galatians 2:20) We believe that if we but abide in Him, we will bear much fruit! (John 15:5) We believe that His grace is sufficient for us! (2 Corinthians 12:9)

This is only a drop in the bucket. I haven't even touched the Psalms. Point being, if we step out and act on our belief it is not self-effort given the very nature of that which we are believing. If we are fully depending on His strength and not ours, we can step out in obedience and know that it is Him enabling and directing! If I make no attempt to live as He has called me, do I really believe that He will enable? It wasn't enough for Peter to say, "Yes Lord, I know You will help me." He had to get out of the boat. I'm not talking only about huge steps in life: a new job, ministry, etc. Yes, it's absolutely that, but so much more! I'm talking about every single daily step we take: choosing His way over our own, doing everything without grumbling or arguing (Philippians 2:14), Rejoicing always and praying continually (1 Thessalonians 5:16-17), not worrying (Matthew 6:34), and loving God's way (1 Corinthians 13). Again just a drop in the bucket.

Stepping forward isn't legalism- holiness in our own strength. we step forward believing that God does not lie, and believing that as we respond, He will be faithful to rule and reign, to take control as He enables us to yield. Every bit of the process is Him working through us, but we must consent, and step forward. We are not to work in our own strength, but at the same time, God is not going to just suddenly perfect His righteousness in us while we're on the couch watching movies. Paul tells the Philippians to "work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure." (Philippians 2:12b-13) So yes, we work in one sense, believing all the while that it is God working through us, as we submit, for He has promised!

Learning to Sing

My dad is my voice teacher. Today we were working on a song, and he asked me to sing with a nasal voice. I've practiced a good deal over the years learning not to be nasal, so it was a bit challenging to sing in a way that feels so incorrect and isn't particularly lovely. Evidently I'll be doing this for awhile. Part of me wishes I could just sing it nicely right now and enjoy it. Maybe my voice isn't as good as it could be, but isn't it good enough? But I know better.

Dad knows so much more about singing than I do, and I trust his instruction. I know that he's asked this of me with an end goal in mind. He has a purpose in asking me to sing this way, and even though I don't really understand it, I'll do it gladly.

Sometimes God asks me to do things that the fleshly part of me would rather not do. They are uncomfortable, challenging, often painful, and just don't make sense. But God's wisdom is infinitely beyond mine. He desires to accomplish something in me- to shape me more and more into His likeness. Even though I may not understand, and I may never know His reason, I'll gladly obey whatever He asks and trust Him completely, by His grace.

"...Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5  

Poem- "Following"

This poem is the outflow of what God was teaching me during Esther.

"Following"

Lord, I want to follow You,
But I do not know the way.
Your paths are good; Your plan is perfect,
But in my own strength I can't obey.

The path is full of twists and turns
So dark I cannot see the road.
Confusion and despair surround me,
And crush me with their heavy load.

I am unable, unworthy, and helpless,
But You have said I am Your own.
You are my loving, faithful Shepherd;
I don't have to find my way alone.

In my weakness, You are mighty.
Nothing can thwart Your perfect plan.
You have promised to keep me from stumbling,
And to finish the work which You began.

I'll trust Your promise to lead and guide me;
To take my hand and be my Light;
To make the pathway straight before me,
And to lead the humble in what is right.

Lord, I want to follow You,

But I do not know the way.

I'll fix my eyes on You, my Shepherd, 

And trust Your guidance day by day. 

Esther: Chosen for Such a Time As This

This summer I had the joy of being a part of CYT's production of Esther: Chosen for Such a Time As This. God's work is always evident in CYT, but during summer plays even more so, because there is so much to do in such a short amount of time. This play is one of my favorites. During Esther's song "If I Perish, she sings, "I don't know what's before me, but I know Who stands behind me, so I'll walk with growing courage in my heart." That line has become the theme of my life. Backstage we always pray for the audience; that God would prepare their hearts and enable them to receive the message. We also pray the same thing for ourselves! I am so blessed to have so many friends who genuinely love God and seek to please Him, and it was an honor to watch how God worked in the hearts of so many of those I love during these two months.

We had many sweet times of prayer and worship throughout, but Saturday just before the final performance surpassed anything I'd seen in CYT. My friend played the song "Everything" by Lifehouse on his guitar, and soon we were all on our faces before God, praying and repenting. God moved. Friends I had never seen even seen cry were sobbing. We saw our brokenness and were in awe of God's faithfulness, mercy, and love. It was painful, but also an intensely beautiful thing to be a part of. We were barely able to pull it together to start the show.

So what now? What happens now that the show is over, the sets are down, the costumes are being washed and put away, and we're all going back to everyday life? Will we forget and move on? I am resting in Philippians 1:6- "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." What took place was His work, and He promises to finish that which He began! I pray that we will learn to walk with the same level of dependence and prayer which has hallmarked the past two weeks. Our God is mighty, worthy, and so very good! 

Here are a few pictures.

Zach and I got to dance together, and it was so much fun!

My lovely friend Bekah played Esther, and did such a beautiful job! We had lovely times and a good deal of laughter while carpooling, and it was a joy to watch all that God did in her heart.

Meg, Jenna, and Grace were my "children" for one scene. We had a wonderful time working on character development and creating a family dynamic!

Audrey and Megan's friendship is a gift such a gift from God! Their prayers and encouragement mean more than I can say.

Grace, Tori, Stephanie, and me waiting for color. :)

Mom and Dad!

Me and Zach with Patrick, who we have pretty much adopted.

Hannah Rose, my dear Ellerslie friend, who has been a part through prayer from the very start!

Lessons From a Spider Web?

God can use the most unlikely things to teach us! Last week I was facing something rather confusing, and I went to sit on the porch swing to pray about it for awhile. As I prayed, a small, beautifully made spider web caught my eye. At that moment I sensed God saying "That's significant", and I knew He wanted to tell me something about it. In the past God has often shown me truth about Himself through His creation, but He has never left me hanging like that before! I wasn't quite sure what to do, so I just waited quietly, asking Him to open my eyes to see what He wanted me to see. This is what He showed me. 

A spider web is a dangerous place, and has been the ruin of many. One wrong step and you're trapped! However, there is a way to move safely on a spider web. The only one who knows the path is the spider, because he is the one who made it. In order to navigate a spider web, you must follow the one who knows the way.

Make me to know your ways, O Lord;  teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in the way. He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way. All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies. Who is the man who fears the Lord? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose. His soul shall abide in well-being, and his offspring shall inherit the land.The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant. My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will pluck my feet out of the net. 
(Psalm 25:4-5, 8-10, 12-15)