Poem- "With Joy"

"...I will offer in His tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and make melody to the Lord." - Psalm 27:6b

I remember reading that years ago and being struck by the concept of sacrificing with joy. We may not sacrifice animals anymore, but we are called to be living sacrifices.The Websters 1828 dictionary defines sacrifice as "Offered to God upon an altar; destroyed, surrendered, or suffered to be lost." When we think of sacrifice, it's often with dread, fear, or reluctance, because we know that there is pain involved in laying something down. But here the psalmist is sacrificing with a song in his heart. Why? Because He loves the Lord. Because God has delivered him in his time of need. Because He has learned that there is nothing of greater worth than seeking Him, knowing Him, and being known by Him. I want to sacrifice with shouts of joy. This is something God placed on my heart this morning.

"With Joy"

This path is one of sacrifice,

A road with heavy cost.

We follow our dear Savior,

Who suffered on the cross.

Yet though this path brings sorrow,

It's no pathway of despair.

For as this world is stripped away,

We find our Jesus there.

How can a heart make melody;

Find joy in sacrifice?

By finding what we gain in Him,

The Pearl of greatest price.

A heart in love with Jesus

Can give without a qualm,

For though in pouring out, it aches,

It's filled with His sweet song.

Oh, may I walk this path He's set,

Cost me what it may.

May I place my trust in Him,

And trusting Him, obey.

"You have said, 'Seek My face." My heart says to You, ' Your face, Lord, do I seek.'" - Psalm 27:8

More Than I Can Handle

We've been in the village for a week and a half. It's definitely another world! When I look out the two screened windows in my room, I can see banana and coconut trees, pigs, chickens, roosters, a monkey tied up, water buffalo (feel free to sing the song- I certainly have!) laundry hanging, and small houses with grass or tin roofs. I sleep under a mosquito net, the roosters start crowing about 4 am or so, and keep going all day. The last week has been spent (in addition to playing games and so forth with the kids) cleaning and organizing the school room and planning for the school year.

So what has God been teaching me, you ask? (Ok, you might not be asking, but I'll tell you anyway.) Well, I'm on the other side of the world from home, I've spent a week and a half in a rural village in a foreign country with no internet (which means no contact with anyone back home), facing drawers with hiding cockroaches, a mountain of school books, and teachers manuals, and a year of teaching four children when I've never taught one subject before... yeah. There's been a whole lot of learning going on over here! Here's one thing though.

People often say that God won't give us more than we can handle. It sounds very nice and comforting, but the reality is that it's simply not true. He does give us more than we can handle because He wants us to depend on Him instead of looking within for the strength to handle it. The fact that He loves us doesn't mean that He will keep us from challenge, pain or difficulty. Rather, because He loves us, He wants us to learn to trust when we can't see, to find peace and joy in Himself, and to find that He really does give strength for the weary; that His grace really, truly is sufficient. He does give us more than we can handle, but He will never give us anything that He is not able to live through us to overcome.

I'll be honest, lately I've had way more than I can handle. There have been plenty of moments when I was stressed, overwhelmed, or lonely, and didn't know how I could keep going. In moments where I would normally go to my mom or a friend for prayer and perspective, I have been in a position where all I could do was cry out to God and trust that He is all He says He is. Again and again, I have cried out for wisdom, clarity, strength, peace, for Him to live through me and make me more like Him... It's been hard. It's been painful. But never once have I been forsaken or alone. In the times when I felt I couldn't hold on, He has been holding on to me. I've been learning, along with so many other things, faith. Trust. Hope in the One who can never fail. I'm learning that He really is enough, and no matter the cost, it's worth it.

I don't mean to sound like I've been falling apart the whole time- I certainly haven't! There have been wonderful times of laughter, fun, learning to fit into a new family, and experiencing many new things. Here are some pictures!

About to get on the helicopter

In the helicopter on the way to the village- it was amazing!

This was waiting for me in my room. Welcome to the tribe, Lindy!

Charlotte, my brave, loyal assistant in organizing/cleaning, and Ernie the cockroach. Ernie is no longer with us. Thanks Charlotte!

The school room- very definitely a work in progress.

Cockroach poop. The cockroaches in this drawer had been killed by the time I took this picture. So fun! haha

Somebody in the village found this bird and gave it to Kyle. Mom, I'm posting this for you.

A corner of the Talbot's house

Next Door

"Everybody's got a water buffalo..."

Kyle took me and Sophia on a village tour. This is the waterfall which, I believe, normally has much more water.

Learning to knit!

The school room, looking much better, but still a work in progress

School books!

Kyle working on his fort

One of the little girls in the village

Learning

This will be my last post for awhile, as we will soon be headed for parts unknown (aka the village) and once we are there, it will be probably at least a few weeks until I have internet access again. I just wanted to check in, let you know that I'm still alive over here (haha) and share a small bit of what God has been teaching me.

Honestly, there is so much that it's hard to sort it all out in my mind. I've been writing most of it down (and trying not to turn into a hermit in the process), but God is hard at work in my life. There is still so much of me left in me, but God is chipping away, shaping, pruning, refining through fire.... whatever you want to call it, though I really am happy and really do love it here, it hurts. I want to love Him so much that I can say with all of my heart that nothing matters as long as He is glorified. I'm having to preach truth to myself constantly, because in the flesh that is not how I view life, and it is easy to focus on sacrifice, loneliness, hardship, difficulty, confusion, discomfort... and the list goes on. (not that things are even that hard, just harder than anything I've faced before.) But to focus on those things is self-pity, and self-pity is sin. In Philippians 1 Paul is in chains, circumstances far beyond anything I'm facing (obviously!) yet his joy shows through his writing in a way that's impossible to miss, because through it all, Christ is being glorified, which is so clearly the desire of his heart. His eyes are totally off of himself and focused on Christ first, and as an outflow of that, those around him. I am not like that, but I want to be, and if being brought to that point means being cut off from internet, (which only matters because it means being cut off from those I love) for awhile, and being so far from home for much longer, then so be it. No matter what I lose, even temporarily (for truly, this is so temporary!) I can never lose the only Thing I really need. And whatever the cost, it is worth it to learn that. I know that in my head, but He is faithfully teaching my heart. He disciplines those He loves, and I know that He loves me. And that is all I need. I am nothing, but I serve a mighty God who is able to use me in spite of me.

Pray that I will have a heart that says always "Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart. Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art". Pray that He will enable me as I move towards actually teaching. Pray that He will be glorified in it all.

Some more pictures...

We got to spend a few days at the beach with a lot of the NTM missionaries in the area

I was especially blessed by the time I got to spend with Vicky! She first came here in 1980, and it was amazing to get her perspective and hear what God has done in her life.

So beautiful! My camera couldn't do it justice.

Back at the guest house for now. There are lots of roosters, and they crow all day long.

Charlotte, Sophia, Jenna, and I were reading books on the trampoline, but we took a break for this. :)

I fit so much stuff in this action packer to go to the village... this thing is deceptively large!

Loading the truck to go to the village. The rest of us will follow by helicopter!

Hello from the Philippines!

I've been on the other side of the world from home for just over a week now, but it feels like so much longer. Not in a bad way at all, it's just that I've experienced so many new things in that time! In addition to driving many random places, I've traveled by plane, bus, and in the back of a pickup truck. I've been able to see a lot, but haven't been completely surrounded by the culture yet- God was very gracious to allow me to receive the newness in small doses! Some initial observations:

-Traffic, especially in Manila, is absolutely terrible, in a very different way than the US. The driving mentality is totally different- fewer rules, lots of passing and pulling out in front of people. It's like everyone (drivers and pedestrians) assumes they have the right away, but stops if someone else takes it first. There's also lots of honking. It took me a few days not to feel like we were about to hit someone every second.
-Things are more laid back here, and schedules are not held to as tightly as they are in the US.
-"Aircon" is a wonderful thing. It's certainly hot and humid here, but really, not too much more than in NC.
-They have McDonalds, but the menu is a bit different than back home. For instance, I had "McSpaghetti" for dinner last night. For some reason, I find that highly amusing, but it tasted good.
-The most unusual thing I've eaten so far is a dessert called "Halo Halo". I really liked it!

I have loved getting to know the Talbots, and have had so much fun spending time with the kids especially- coloring, jumping on the trampoline at the NTM guest house where we're staying right now, and so forth. They have made me feel very welcome, and I'm looking forward to all that's ahead- teaching comes soon! I've also been incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to get to know some of the other missionaries here. It's amazing to hear the stories of how God brought them here, what He has taught them, and what He has done. It really is such an amazing opportunity He's given me.

Only a week, and God is already hard at work growing, stretching, and teaching me. One of the biggest things has been the need to choose to find sufficiency and joy in Him alone, regardless of what my emotions are doing, regardless of whether or not circumstances are hard or confusing. It's something that I knew already, but He is faithfully driving it home deeper and deeper. There are certainly many new things to get used to, and adjusting has been somewhat overwhelming at times. But I'm very thankful for the opportunity for the chance to be pushed out of my comfort zone, because my comfort zone is self-centered and needs to go, even if it hurts. For all of the challenges, and the missing those at home, I can say without reservation that I am really, truly happy here. I know that I'm where God wants me, and there's a beauty that comes with that that's hard to describe.

Pray for all of us, especially Chuck and Shannon, as we prepare to move into the village. Pray that God will live through me, give me wisdom in every moment and live through me to love and serve those around me. And pray for the village, as they are currently in the midst of a bad drought.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so...


Saying "See you later" to those I love at the airport

Sweaty, gross, desperately in need of sleep, but finally in Manila!

This was waiting for me in my room. :)

Holding baby Bea for the first time

Outside the NTM guest house where we are staying right now

"Tricycles". They are everywhere here.

With Hala in the back of the pickup truck

Coloring while waiting for lunch after church on Sunday

Having fun on the trampoline

That's all for now!
Much love,
Lindy

One Week!

One week. One week from today I'll be on a plane, and one week from tomorrow I'll be in the Philippines! Time is flying by. This will be a week of last minute details, packing, and... goodbyes. Goodbyes are hard. I know in my head that they're really only "see-you-laters", but still, never having been away from home for so long, it definitely feels like goodbye. God has blessed me with a wonderful community, deep, Christ-centered friendships, and a family I love dearly. I've already had several "lasts"- my last day with an elderly lady I help weekly, my last day nannying, my last CYT rehearsal visit... each one has brought a bit of an ache, and I know that the goodbyes looming ahead are definitely going to hurt.

Still, it's bittersweet, for the God who has given me each of those relationships and given such sweetness to each one of them is the God who is moving me forward; the God who is going with me. I know it's going to be hard, I know it's going to hurt, I know there will be challenges and that I'll be stretched beyond anything I've ever experienced, my comfort zone left behind on the other side of the world, but there is a part of me that is eager. God is leading, and I want to follow. I know in my head that He is truly sufficient- all I could ever need- and now I have a chance to know it in my heart in a way I never have before. A few weeks ago I re-watched this video made by the Talbots; the family I'm going to help. I don't know how to describe it exactly, but watching it changed something in me. All along I've been saying "It's going to be an adventure", but for the first time, I truly felt it.

So how am I feeling now? A bit overwhelmed, a bit sad... but also undeniably excited! God has given me a peace that surpasses understanding; a peace I never even imagined possible. I know myself, I know how I respond to things, and I know this peace and excitement is only because of Him, and an answer to the prayers of many (you know who you are- thank you!) I see my own inadequacy in every area, but though I am small, I serve a powerful God who has promised never to leave me or forsake me, and who has promised to equip me for all He calls me to do. He has never been anything but faithful, and He doesn't change!

Please pray that my eyes would be on Him through this next week, and that He would prepare me for the months ahead. Pray that He'll give me wisdom and peace in every challenge both here and there, and please join me in praying for the Talbots and the Ga'dang people- the people I'll be with soon! 

Dear Somebody

Dear Somebody,

I know that when you look at me getting ready to go to the Philippines, it makes you secretly uncomfortable, and wakes hidden fear. Though you may or may not say it, or even realize it, you are afraid that God will call you to do something similar, and that if you give control of your life to Him, you will end up on the other side of the world away from everything comfortable and familiar. How do I know? Because for so long, that was me. I would read the stories of Amy Carmichael, Jackie Pullinger, or Katie Davis, (not that I would ever put my little trip on that level, mind you!!) and while I would admire their willingness to follow Christ wherever He led, I would inwardly tremble, lest He should call me to a similar path. It's not that I didn't want to live my life to serve Him, it's just that I was afraid He would call me to THAT. I didn't know what THAT might be exactly, but I knew THAT would be painful, hard, and require great sacrifice. The call to go to the Philippines came at the end of a battle to surrender and be willing to go- a battle which had filled the previous several months. I wish I could say that I responded to His voice with instant obedience, but I didn't. He was faithful to bring me to a place of willingness, but it was a fight to get there. My fleshly desire is to stay here where things are familiar and comfortable, and the idea of saying goodbye to those I love dearly for so long is painful. But you know what I realized? As I clung to things and people dear to me, in reality I was holding my own chains. My fear of surrender wasn't keeping me safe, it was keeping me enslaved.  Freedom and peace came only when I finally let go.

Surrender to His call doesn't automatically mean that you will end up on the other side of the world. It does mean that your wants and desires are in submission to His will and His purpose, which means sacrifice. How can someone do that? I am seeing more and more that it is absolutely impossible apart from knowing Him. For goodness sake, you wouldn't leave your purse or wallet in the care of someone you didn't know. How can you give over control of everything to Someone you don't know? Trusting comes only through knowing, which comes only through spending time with someone. As we grow to know Him, the following two things will transform our perspective on surrender.

The first is that God is good. Whether His call takes you somewhere far away, or only down the street, He loves you, and He goes with you. He isn't harsh or unfeeling. His call is not only for His glory, but for our good. Life is hard; you can't escape that. It's part of living in a fallen world. But though the path is not an easy one, He is with us every step of the way- leading, guiding, upholding. (John 16:33) In trusting Him, you are entrusting yourself to the One who knows you intimately, yet loved you enough to die for you. He isn't forcing us to be without something we need; He wants us to be free to find life in Himself- the only One who could ever satisfy.

The second is that God is Lord, our King, and we are His. He is worthy of our worship and obedience. Even if He weren't good, and hadn't given His own life for us, He would be fully worthy of our all. How much more when He has! God is exalted on the throne of heaven. His greatness is infinitely beyond our ability to grasp. He created us for Himself, for His purposes. We are not our own, we are bought with the blood of Christ. When we truly understand the incomprehensible majesty and authority of the One we serve, we can't possibly make another choice. In Isaiah 6, when Isaiah sees God in all His glory, his response was "Here I am! Send me." (v 8) That should be our response as well.

Goodness knows I haven't (and don't) live this perfectly, but speaking as one who walked in fear for so long, freedom comes only from letting go and clinging to Him only. Jim Elliot once said, "God always gives His best to those who leave the choice to Him." There are specific areas in my life where I have so clearly seen this to be true. In other areas I may not yet see how things are His best, but I trust that they are, because I trust Him. Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." That means that the more I delight in Him, the more what I desire lines up with what He wants for me. He knows me better than I know myself, and His plan is infinitely better than mine. Surrender seems scary, but when you fix your eyes on Him rather than the cost, it becomes beautiful instead.

I wrote this letter to Somebody, and I don't know who that Somebody is, but if it's you, know that I'm praying for you!

Love,
Lindy

Poem- "Worry"

Worry is a definite weakness of mine. It is so easy for me to dwell on what may happen and grow anxious, instead of trusting in the loving control of my King.  Corrie Ten Boom said, “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” That is so true! If I'm imagining everything that may happen, or being stressed over circumstances, I'm trying to take my life into my own hands. That never goes well, because I can't change anything- I can only make myself miserable! More than that, it is sinful. When faced with worry, I have to choose to remember who is truly in control, and trust His perfect plan.

"Worry"

Worry is an enemy

That seeks my joy to steal.

It tries to take my eyes off Christ,

And on to what I feel.

If I cling to worry,

All peace is quickly gone.

An anxious heart will soon drown out

All loving, trusting song. 

Have I forgotten Who's in charge

And orchestrates all things?

Do I think that He who died for me

Won't care what my life brings?

A trial or chance of sorrow 

Presents me with a choice.

Will I dwell on what might happen,

Or listen to His voice?

Instead of anxious wond'ring

About what the future holds,

May I ever trust my God,

As He His plan unfolds.

"For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord."
Psalm 112:6-7

Poem- "In Waiting"

God gave me this poem earlier this year in the midst of circumstances which pressed me to a level of surrender deeper than I had ever experienced before. In light of what several friends are going through, now seemed the time to post it. 

"In Waiting"

"Hope deferred makes sick the heart."

Perhaps the proverb's true,

But though hard pressed, I'll not be crushed

If my hope lies in You.

To wait still more seems much too cruel;

A burden I can't face,

But should this cup be mine to drink,

I know You'll give me grace.

The beauty of this dream can't be 

The prize to which I cling,

For only when You are my all

Can my heart freely sing.

It's through the waiting You refine

And shape my heart to be

A heart like Yours, and sanctify 

The dreams You've given me.

Our Hope

"Paul, and apostle of Christ Jesus by command of God our Savior and of Christ Jesus our hope..." (1 Timothy 1:1)

Here Jesus is identified as our hope. In every sorrow, heartache, difficulty, or unknown, we have hope, for He is our hope.
Our hope of guidance is in Him, for He is our Shepherd and has promised to go before us.
Our hope of strength is in Him, for He is the One fighting on our behalf, who bears us up on wings like eagles, and equips us for every good work.
Our hope of companionship and safety is in Him, for He has promised never to leave or forsake us.
Our hope of protection is in Him, for He is our defender and high tower.
Our hope of endurance is in Him, for He has promised to complete the good work He began and keep us standing until the end.
Our hope of victory is in Him, because He has conquered the enemy and gives grace to overcome every temptation.
Our hope of righteousness is in Him, for He has shed His blood on our behalf, and we are not only covered by this blood, but now have His Spirit within, moving in us "to will and to work for His good pleasure."
Our hope of a future is in Him, for He is coming again to reclaim His bride. Sorrow and suffering will be no more, and sin will no longer have any power in our lives. We will be free of all that distorts and obscures His glory.
Our hope is in Him, because His promises are great, and His promises are true.

"Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed." (Psalm 34:5) Never ashamed, because if we are looking to Him, the Object of our confidence will never fail. If we are in Him, let us walk in hope, for we have every reason to be hopeful!

Philippines- The Next Adventure

On January 1st, somewhere around 12:30 am, I stood outside with my friend Emily, reflecting on the last year and wondering what God had in store for the year ahead. Little did I know... That night I sat down at the computer to check my email briefly. As I skimmed the Ellerslie alumni email, something grabbed my attention- a missionary family in the Philippines who needed someone to homeschool their children. I can't really explain how, but even in that moment I knew deep within that that person was me.

I was brought face to face with the fear and lack of surrender in my heart. I wasn't even afraid of going so much as leaving- saying goodbye to everything and everyone I had ever known for much longer than ever before. I wanted to obey God's call, but as much as I hated to admit it, in my flesh I just didn't want Him to call me to that. (It was during that week that I wrote this poem.) I prayed, wrestled, surrendered, and after about a week, I was finally able to articulate what I had known from day 1- I think this going to happen. As I continued to pray and take steps forward, God gave me the peace that (to my shame) I hadn't even wanted at first.

That was January. Now it's May, and I'm leaving in less than 3 months! I will be a homeschool teacher for the Talbot family, who are missionaries in a remote, tribal area in the Philippines. I'll be teaching 4 of their 7 kids and staying for 6 (possibly 9) months. It's exciting and overwhelming all at the same time, but I know it's where God is leading me., and I know He will be faithful to provide and enable, just as He has through my whole life!

Points for Prayer:
-Wisdom for me as I'm preparing: that I would make good use of the time I have.
-That God would prepare my heart to love this family, and live through me to serve them well.
-Financial provision
-The many practical details that need to come together
-Peace through it all, and that God would enable me to depend on Him now more than ever before.
-For the Talbot family, as they are preparing to return to the Philippines at the end of this month after being in their native Canada.

Also, if after praying you feel that God might be leading you to support me in a practical way, you can do that here: http://usa.ntm.org/missionaries/lindy-meeker  But either way, your prayers are greatly needed and deeply appreciated as I'm approaching this exciting new season!